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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookOk, so I probably should preface this by saying that I am not “raw” although I do try to eat a healthy diet (lightyears from SAD) and this post is an inquiry. I want to be able to help my significant other, who is 100% raw, within the confines of his diet. Let me repeat—I am not out to convert him to anything else. He has made this choice for himself, and I respect that. First I should say that he has always been quite thin and since going raw has gotten frighteningly thin-to the point where people no longer recognize him. He is thinner than model thin-more refugee thin. Sunken and hollow is what I mean. His eyes protrude more and he has very little muscle mass. He’s 6’ tall and hovering at 119, dipping below often. He has always had food issues (guilt after eating, hiding while eating, going long periods without eating), and I’m afraid that he’s allowed the restrictions of raw to compound and/or foster his negative food associations. My question is this, what can I encourage him to eat that will help him gain weight? He refuses to eat more than a tablespoon of nuts or so a day because of digestion issues, and he generally steers clear of fatty foods—again saying it’s too hard to digest. He also is anti-grain, even sprouted. He’s got all the books (wolfe, jubb, cousens, etc…). I’m feeling helpless at this point and don’t how to encourage him to make positive changes; this causes tremendous stress in our relationship, because I literally sink inside when I see his body.
Thanks in advance to anyone who has advice.
Comments
What DOES he eat daily and how much?
he generally drinks water in the morning—sometimes with cacao (powedered) and/or a green supplement, continues to drink throughout the day, and has a green salad at night (no avo generally, no seeds). He may snack on fruit on the odd day (not much…a pint of berries at the most) or a couple of figs. He does now take a tablespoon or two of beepollen a day and some krill. Maybe I’m wrong but that seems way too little for a thin person. It doesn’t seem balanced to me either (Again, I’m less restricted in my diet, so I have a different starting point). He insists that he will stabilize in the next year or so and gain weight. Does a healthy raw person eat a lot more? Should his weight dictate the amount of food he eats or will he start to gain?
Wow, that does not sound like he is taking in enough calories at all. I can consume upwards of 1600 calories in a day on fruit alone (7 bananas in a sitting if I’m hungry) and I am slim.
I doubt his weight will stabilize if he continues to eat as he is.
Just my opinion…maybe he should come online and check out Goneraw. I understand how he feels about the fats (nuts/oils/etc) because I avoid them as well. You know, he might find comfort in the 811 raw vegan style of raw eating. It’s basically feasting on fruit and greens with minimal fat – there’s a thread about it on the Being Raw forum at this site. The only trick is that you have to eat enough…
Get him to join. :-)
Has he ever received counseling over his body image issues?
If you are curious about the calories he’s consuming: www.fitday.com
I am with moth on this one. He really needs to consume more food, but it doesnt have to be high fat. Try to get him to eat lots of bananas, grapes, mangoes, and dates if possible. He should also try lifting weights to build up his muscle. Also it may not be his fault- the eating low fat and body issues thing. He may have a serious digestion issue like IBS, colitis, or celiac the latter causing weight loss issues. Maybe he should see a doctor about it. Another idea is to get him to drink kombucha tea it really helps with digestion. Another thing is that his metabolism has probably really slowed down due to his low calorie eating. He should try to slowly increase his number of meals until he reaches six then he will be able to have the energy to lift weights to build muscle and be extremely healthy. I wish you and him the best of luck,
It may be very helpful to him for you to go totally raw for a few weeks and embrace his lifestyle with a few modifications. I can see a couple of issues. First, he is not going to be open to overt fats, so maybe if you fixed a lunch of mellon or green smoothie and ate it together, that would help. Second, I do not believe that cacao is a good substance for him to consume since it probably is not totally raw. Also, is the green supplement approved by Jebb, and totally raw? As for breakfast maybe he can try a shot of one grapefruit juiced. It is a good substance to help with appetite.
Oh, God, that is heart-breaking:**( Tekla, this is self-starvation and has nothing to do with eating an all-raw diet. There are no “restrictions” with a raw diet as far as quantity goes.(Or quality, sometimes, haha) I think your SO could benefit with some help from a professional who has experience with disordered eating. A lot of folks with EDs are attracted to diets they(uh, “we”) see as rigid(?), because they are needing some sort of control in their lives. A raw diet does not really have rules, nor is it rigid, but often those of us with an ED don’t see things concerning food in the most rational light. Gently, gently encourage your SO to seek help. Good luck and I think you are an awesome mate.
thanks you guys for the help! I do try to always eat 100% raw when we share meals, and I try to prepare meals for him. He does eat more when he’s with me, that’s for sure. We can’t live together right now though due to jobs and location, so he’s on his own a fair amount. Transitioning to 100% has never worked out for me personally though, so I maintain a 3/1 rule: 3 raw, 1 cooked. I feel it’s healthy and my body is much more pleasant under those circumstances. :-) Any seedless fruit is a no go with him and he tries to veer away from dates because of the sugar. But, I will try to get him in the direction of more fruit in general. He does like it. I think it could be good for him to drink raw smoothies (fruity and green) at least once a day to help quickly and easily consume more calories. He seems to get full really fast—he considers cacao powder in water a filling “meal.”I think due to lack of eating, his stomach must be very small. He hasn’t ever received professional help in regards to his eating, and we’ve talked about it occassionally. He really doesn’t perceive it as a problem right now, and unfortunately, there are couple people around him who aggravate the situation. He takes their word over the rest of us. I’m not sure how to help him see the reality of the situation if he’s not ready, you know? Very frustrating. I’m starting my own weight-lifting regiment and hope he’ll follow suit. My body type bulks up FAST and furiously (I have ridiculously large muscles for a woman), Even pilates bulked me (they promised I’d have a dancers body—oh well!). I hope that seeing me in that state (even though I’d rather not be that “buff”-ha) will spur him on. I just want him to be strong and healthy. oh, and Pulse, yes, everything he eats is 100% raw and organic—cacao and green supps. included. He is focused on keeping everything he consumes as safe and pristine as possible. Thank you guys so much. Just knowing that there are 100% raw people who respond in the same way as I do is comforting.
Young coconut water is great if his stomach is shrunk – good source of electrolytes & some calories, in a liquid form. The meat of young coconuts has fat, but seems generally much more digestible than most nuts. If he can’t or won’t eat the meat, at least the water might work? He could even mix his cacao powder into it – but definitely professional help! Last of all, if he doesn’t want, or doesn’t think he needs, help or change, there may be nothing you can do. Don’t take too much responsibility on yourself or feel guilty if your best efforts don’t fix this. Eating disorders are much more serious than people generally realize.
I think it is irresponsible for people to suggest small dietary modifications for a man who is using ‘raw’ as an excuse for starving himself. I’m with TomsMom – he needs professional help. We all know that raw foodism attracts people with eating disorders – just read through the posts on this website and note how many ‘former’ anorexics and bulemics are here. (I am NOT belittling these people or their diseases.) When someone has an obvious and potentially life threatening disorder, I do not think the answer is green smoothies – not in this case. The answer is hospitalization or at least intensive therapy. Have you tried to get his parents involved? Old friends?
Tekla-I am glad to hear that you can get him to eat when you are together. I am familiar with, and have heard of people that can be extremely driven in the area of eating. Some people also eat too much and cause problems that way. Either way, they can be extremely resistant to outside help. Sometimes those who love them the most and are closest to them can be the only key to help them. I do agree that he may need professional help, but if he is encouraged in that direction and then revolts against it, you have not helped the situation. I am sure that in his current state there are those who have encouraged him in that direction. Please stay in touch here as you go through this crisis. This group is very supportive and seem to be united with the goal of helping others obtain and maintane health!
I totally disagree about him having an eating disorder. He probably has some serious digestive issues that include some of the following: lack of Hydrochloric acid in stomach, liver/gall stones, bile occlusion, celiac or general inflammation of the intestine. Any of these things can cause eating to be really unpleasant and even painful. thats why he gets full so quickly.
I lost a lot of weight when i went raw and my family, friends thought i had an eating disorder and it just killed me. i would purposely eat a lot of food in front of them (to the point of being sick) to prove i wasnt starving myself. in my personal experience, how much i eat has little to do with my body weight. ive re-gained 20 of the 30 lbs i lost going raw in the past few months, and i eat probably 60% calories that i did when i was struggling to keep any weight on.
WHAT IVE CHANGED: totally got off all grains, beans, peas, hybrid fruits and roots, banana, pineapple, date, beet, cashew, peanut. these all have, as Dr Jubb calls them, “strange undigestible proteins” that cause a celiac condition. some people are much more sensitive.
ive done 4 successful liver/gb flushes and noticed gradual increase in my ease of digestion with each flush.
just sticking with his current diet now is not going help him at all.
i will agree with other members on one thing: he needs help. i would call jubbs place and set up a personal phone consultation with Jubb. its quite pricey but in your man’s case, completely worth the help.
i really feel for him, because i’ve been there. placing blame on him for starving himself will only make things worse.
From what you have written I strongly think he has an eating disorder. The reason I say this is I myself had/have and eating disorder. I did the exact same thing as him and restricted myself to where I would only eat organic and raw. I read all the books and would follow the most extreme practices….not eating anything until noon and then having my last meal at 4 or 5pm, limiting fat to almost nothing, not eating any sugary fruits. This didn’t last for long though because I’m only 16 and living at home so my parent caught on really fast. For me I never tried to lose weight I just wanted to eat RAW perfectly and by trying to follow evey different gurus guidelines I ended up basically not eating.
Because you are so close to him he is most likely going to resist any help from you. I strongly suggest that he go to a treatment center or some sort of outpacient program. His stomach has shrunken from eating so little so he is not going to be able to all the sudden start eating ‘normal’ sized meals. Also from not eating his digestive system is weaker therefore it is even more difficult for him to digest already hard to digest foods such as nuts/fat. If treatment isn’t an option than maybe you could convince him to go to a nutritionist. I have a nutritionist who is raw vegan here is her website http://kindcafe.com/infopages/coaching.htm
Good luck with everything