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heyenglish
Raw Newbie
I need some advice! I’ve been vegan for a year and a half, and 98% raw for the last 5 weeks. My boyfriend, friends, and family are all pretty supportive, but they don’t totally get the raw thing. Coincidentally, my boyfriend has been out of town for the last 5 weeks, so there’s only been two occasions where I’ve gone out to dinner (once with friends and once with family). Both times, I had a cooked vegan meal… not because I wanted it, but because there wasn’t really a raw alternative. Now, I’ve told everyone I just want to be High Raw, but both of those cooked meals didn’t taste nearly as yummy as they used to. My heart and body are both telling me they want me to be 100% raw.
I have no problems turning down lunch invitations with coworkers, because I always have the excuse that I brought my own (raw) lunch to work. And, if I’m eating alone, I don’t even consider anything cooked. I’m just struggling with social situations. My boyfriend loves to go out and eat, and once he returns in a week, he’s going to want to visit all the restaurants we both used to enjoy. At some of these places, I can just get a salad and bring my own dressing, but at the others I don’t have that option. I really don’t want him to miss out eating at these places (i.e. the Indian restaurant we used to get a buffet at every Sunday lunchtime), but I don’t want to eat cooked food. And the same goes for hanging out with friends. I want them to be able to eat wherever they want, without always having to take my needs into account.
Help! How do you all survive social eating situations?
Comments
You are not alone facing this issue. My RAW lifestyle has limited my social outings, not with family because I am lucky to have other members of my family into the RAW/healthy/living food but with friends definitely. I have told myself that my well being and health in general were more important. Most friends are “accepting” my choice even though I don’t even attempt to explain the reasons as they would not understand, the mass out there has no clue that there is a correlation between nutrition and health/well being/happiness. When I do go out I let my friends pick the restaurants, I do not impose on them anything and then choose a simple salad, most restaurant have some sort of salad.
well it’s rough for sure. When I first started raw I wrote out a rules and regulations and one of my sections was for exceptions. I put that in social situations that would cause a scene I would go ahead and partake but just do as raw as possible. I only did this because if you don’t you’re going to make a scene and possibly alienate the people around you. I choose a small amount of cooked food on occasion to keep my relationships good. It’s a small price.
My advice would be to tell your boyfriend how you feel and see how he feels. And if it’s a really big deal to him to be able to take you out or go out with you than weigh that against how important he is to you. If he’s worth it than just go ahead and eat small portions. It’s all about priorities. Who knows? Maybe he’ll enjoy creating uncooked raw dishes with you at home instead of going out! Create new traditions!
Social situations are so tough! I have a wedding to attend this Saturday and know there will probably only be a small salad unless it’s buffet style. So I am going to eat a big salad before we leave for the wedding. That way I won’t be too hungry. I like to snack on something first if my husband & I go out to eat (which we rarely do) too.
I agree with the statements already made, and it really is about priorities and how you handle the relationships in your life. Sometimes I’ll be eating cooked food, and I’ll just make the best choice I can in that situtation. I’m also gluten-free, which adds a dimension to my eating that is not negotiable. So my family knows I have allergies, and the raw food is really just another step. I tend to do the salads when we go out, and I’m not 100% raw so maybe compromising on this isn’t as tough for me as others. Because gluten makes me so sick, I would rather eat cooked veges that I know have no gluten at all rather than a salad with dressing that might have gluten.
Bottom line, figure out what works for you, and don’t be afraid to call restaurants ahead and let them know you have dietary restrictions and see what alternatives they might have available.
Best of luck!
Thanks for all your comments! It’s so hard sometimes when you don’t have a raw friend to confide in; you guys are my surrogate raw family!
I have an unusual suggestion. I bring a water bottle full of almond milkshake (almonds, ice, banana, agave, vanilla, salt). I use this for bbqs, parties, restaurants – places where there’s nothing I can eat. I supplement it with a salad or fruit cup, if available. So there’s a thought! You CAN be at the restaurant with folks who are eating – and not eat anything.
If all else fails, make a lunch date with some animals. My guinea pigs LOVE sharing dinner with me. They’re short, hairy, and cuddly… my perfect mate!
i’ve been raw for over a year now. in the beginning i definitely leaned towards eating a small amount of cooked food, for “social” sake. but now i find my body is too sensitive and it’s not worth it. (plus, like you say, what for? it doesn’t TASTE good enough!)
there is no reason to alienate yourself though. i carry a purse with snacks if i am going to be away for long periods of time. i recently went to a wedding and was VERY glad i brought dates, almonds and bananas. i’ve also started carrying a small cooler/lunch box that i pack with an ice pack. in it, i’ll put tomatoes, celery and carrot sticks, a whole head of romaine, an avocado… i just keep it in the car and it stays fresh all day.
even if the only thing at the restaurant is a side salad, it’s about the EXPERIENCE of being in the restaurant with someone you love, not how much you eat with them. i’ll eat before AND after… and have something small and raw from the menu with my friend/loved one.
on another note, one of the best raw meals i’ve EVER had was in California, not at a raw restaurant. we had called in advance to tell the chef what i could eat. what he came up with was SPECTACULAR. i definitely recommend this. a really good chef will love the challenge. PLUS, i think this is the only way we are going to solve this problem long term: awareness. it wasn’t till recently that restaurants started having “veggie-friendly” options. ask and you shall receive. =)
bestest luck to you!
I agree with pianissima. I managed to get through a whole dinner at a restaurant that specialized in seafood by having nothing but water and I had a fine time. I was dreading it, thinking I’d be tortured and look weird but it was just nice to SOCIALIZE with everyone. I think the waitstaff probably thought I was going in for a medical procedure and having to fast because I said “I can’t have anything except water” (sneaky!). Eventually your social circle will catch on and won’t subject you to watching them eat cooked, hopefully. My friends even took the initiative and organized a dinner at Grezzo in Boston (raw restaurant) and I was so touched!
it can be tough to make these changes, but unless Change actually happens, nothing will ever change, if you know what I mean.Taking your own food to restaurants, being the different one at social gatherings is difficult at the start, but you’ll soon feel just like it is all OK and be your normal confident self soon enough!
Shazzie has come up with a brilliant idea. On her website you can download and print out a gorgeous leaflet which is meant for normal restaurants, introducing then to the idea of raw food with some recieps that any chef can make with ingredients they should have on hand anyway, why not print it out and give it to the chefs at your favourite places? I have found that being bold and asking brings wonderful results. Chefs have always been up for the challenge in my experience, and often pleased to do something unique. If you do let us know what their reaction is! Here’s the link
pianissima-okay, that was an awesome post. I’ve been having issues being able to let myself go enough to eat cooked food since I feel so bad when I eat them but I think I may be able to pull it off with your suggestions. I guess I just didn’t think about it in that way. I learn so much on here.
i’m definitely there with you all. and i find that i have friends who actually get very disappointed that i don’t want to binge on fried food and other junk with them if they’re sad or celebrating or etc. etc. all the reasons that people tend to turn towards unhealthy food. most of my friends understand if i explain it to them, but i always feel self conscious that they’ll think i’m obsessive and have an eating disorder. i do have a couple of friends who have told me they think people who eat raw are really just a different kind of anorexic. when i try to tell them how much (and how many calories!) i eat in a day i think they just sort of tune it out. (and i eat a lot for someone my size!)
i also worry about bringing my own food to restaurants bc it seems like something they wouldn’t allow or that could offend the chef and waitstaff. do any of you have experience with being asked not to eat the food you brought at a restaurant?
I’m with dorian in that I also worry about bringing my own food. That and I’m a naturally shy person, so I always hate making a fuss or a scene. (Which, is actually pretty amusing because I’ve had some crazy hairstyles over the last few years that always draw comments and looks.) This is just another opportunity for me to try to overcome my shyness.
Oh, and Zoe – I downloaded that flyer. What a great idea! That’s inspired me to actually compile a small booklet of my favorite easy recipes that restaurants can make for me.
Oh! I have’t been to Grezzo yet, but it looks awesome… how long has it been open, do you know?
I was hoping we’d have time to go next week when we go in to town for the Red Sox game, but I don’t think we will. I’m hoping we can get there soon though. What was the best thing you ate from the menu?
Ok, yay! Just spoke to my boyfriend (future hubby), who just so happens to be the most important person in my life, except for me, and I talked to him about all the concerns I was having. I explained how I didn’t enjoy the way cooked food made me feel, and that for me, 100% raw is what I really want to do, not high raw. I told him that we could still eat out as often as he wanted, and at all our favorite restaurants, but I’d just order a salad and bring my own dressing, or I’d eat beforehand, and just join him for company. Being the wonderfully supportive man he is, he just laughed and said that I can do whatever I want with regards to raw, and it doesn’t bother him at all. He’s already used to my vegan eating, and that being pretty extreme, so now that I’m raw vegan, it doesn’t make much difference. He still has to brush his teeth after eating meat if he wants to kiss me. :) That’s a huge weight off my shoulders.
And, I’ve been thinking about our favorite haunts, in particular the Indian restaurant we usually frequent. I know for a fact they don’t have any raw dishes, but they know us there now, and the owner already knows I’m vegan (so he always tells me what dishes I can eat from the buffet). So, I think I could totally bring some of Kandace’s Curry Carrot soup and just have them bring me out a plate of raw chopped veggies. And voila! Raw Indian curry.
Thank you for all your advice! It really helped me approach the subject well with my boyfriend. And yay, 100% raw, here I am!
heyenglish – that’s wonderful!
i just got back from a restaurant/ bar where i ended up having a plate of lettuce for dinner. all of the salads but one (the plate of lettuce) contained cooked food and/or cheese, and when i asked for some avocado on my plate of lettuce they said they didn’t do substitutions, even though they had avocado in another salad. funnily enough, in LA you can seriously order blueberry pancakes with avocado on top if you want, they literally grown on trees here (literally.) maybe the one restaurant in the city that wouldn’t do avocado as a sub. but i have to say, i enjoyed it, and i wasn’t even tempted by the french fries my friend got! which was a HUGE first for me :) thank you all for being here and sharing your stories!