I know this is very unrelated, but I need to vent this out…
I’ve been doing so much better as far as stress control, and since going raw my attitude has changed completely about everything, I’m a lot more cheerful and happy and positive and I’m sure a lot better to be around! However, it is still difficult to stay so when everyone around you is so… blah…
First there’s work, where recently I found out everyone gossips about everyone… Including me… I was pretty naive I guess, didn’t think they would be talking about me as well, because they talk so much about everyone else… They say the same things about me… How I don’t do my work properly, I’m a screw up, I’m lazy… And it’s so unfair because I try soooo hard! And I thought I did so well…
Second thing was my mother in law, who has decided now of all times to re-create the conflict that was between us over a year ago, and is making stupid accusations at me, upsetting my husband very much. Now I get very worked up (though I’m not as hurt as I normally would be, I know better, I’m wonderful, she’s the miserable one here) And have a lot of trouble calming myself down. How do you deal with negative people in your life?
I was reading a book by the Dhali Llama saying too remove the people in your life that causes you unhappiness. Im a very very big believer in this.
BUT! Sometimes you cant escape the situation, and whenever that happens with me, I try to take care of the situation so it doesnt happen again. Or if its at not possible to do that, and you may have to deal with it at work, I remember that I am comfortable with who I am, and that people who act like that towards me, arent.
I also agree that negative people should be removed. It sounds harsh but sometimes it’s the only way. You will be freer, lighter, and happier. Just my two cents….
I agree with the removal of negative people, BUT if not… just emotionally remove yourself from the situation… learn to blow off the negative situations and focus on you… focus on how great and positive you feel! Don’t you dare let these other people have the benefit of bringing you down from your high! :-)
This is a good topic. It’s easy to say “remove the negative people”, but when they are part of your immediate family, it’s impossible without creating problems even greater than their original negativity. I’m dealing with my mother’s mistrust of anything natural, good, and not FDA/ADA regulated or “expert approved” these days and it’s causing me a huge amount of stress and heart pain. I also work with a woman whose middle name is negativity, and a guy who advocates installing a minefield along the mexican border and owns semi-automatic weapons. I try to breathe deeply, go outside for awhile, and know that I shouldn’t let others bother me, but it’s really hard when the air is thick with malevolence and bad karma. Until I can change jobs (which I’ve been working on for years!), I think I need to take up meditation. So, yeah, I’m not so good at dealing with the negative people in my life, but I’m working on it.
I can completely sympathize will having to deal with negativity, I often feel like I am the only happy person swimming in a sea of miserable people. My trick is to send out the love. Every time someone is being negative or bothering me I just say in my head “I Love You” over and over, even if I don’t. I do this even with strangers and it helps me alot. For family members that are rude and close minded I just try to focus on their good traits even if they are hard to find and every time I know that I will be seeing them I prep myself before hand by telling myself that they really do love me and this will be a pleasant visit. I find that if I only expect good things that’s all I receive. I also try to remember how crappy most people feel all the time just because of what they are eating, it’s really hard to be a positive person when your system is bogged down by junk. I am so grateful that I will never have to be a bitchy, angry, crazy person ever again!
Rawmumma, something you said really resonated with me: “I find that if I only expect good things that’s all I receive.” I’ve been reading a lot lately about this phenomenon… about creating your own reality with your thoughts and intentions, and how “like attracts like” and that Creator (or God, or Universal Consciousness or whatever you like to call it) provides in a very literal fashion. So that if you’re continually thinking about something you don’t have and really want in terms of “I don’t have such and such,” you will continue to not have it. Instead, if you think in terms like, “I have such and such,” then it will be manifested in your life. I’m oversimplifying a bit, but hopefully getting the idea across. And I like the idea of saying “I love you,” in your head when confronted with negativity… if nothing else, it helps to create a sense of inner calm. I try to just remember that ultimately, I’m only responsible for me. I can’t control, direct, or manipulate another human being to be the way I think they should be. I can only teach by example, and try to stay out of the way of aggressively negative people. Oh, and I tend to say the serenity prayer a lot. ;o)
Hi Lucy,name sake,nice to have another Lucy here. I understand you because evry year I go visit my mom in Brasil,where I’m from,and I have a lot of stress there with family members.This time was my aunt.She completly messed up my intire trip,and in the end I was extremly stressed out.My sister thought me an amazing thing:evry time anyone comes closer to you negatively,you start to pray for yourself and for that person.It is hard,but it is the BEST meditation/stress out thing that I ever did.I’m having a great time now,because as you know energy attracts energy.if you start to pray and resonate positiv energy,the negative energy will not stay closer to you because it doesn’t agree. positive with positive and negative with negative.Try it.
you all are so inspirational! I have a real problem with negaitivity surrounding my living space. long story short, buying and moving onto this property was a huge nightmare for the first two years(there are neighbor hassles, hassles with the property i sold to buy this “dream” property, permit hassles, and i lost some very dear pets and a close friend) I realize that some things just happen but im kinda superstitious so i began to believe that this was a bad situation for me. any how ive done some feng sui on the place, ive tried to replace the bad experiences with good aka i got married here in my garden, and i think slowly its getting better. I will try the love chant when i feel myself grumping about things, thanks. blessings….
One of my favourite affirmations is “I radiate love and acceptance” When I focus on this thought and really become it, then everything goes pink and fluffy, it is a negativity shield protecting me from my own negativity and from others negativity directed at me.
Usually, when I see people gossiping about someone else, or saying and doing anything negative, I view it as such: It is a reflection on THEM, not on the person they are harming/talking poorly about. Think about it. Their immature ways are truly an insight into their probably boring lives, and you can be sure that there is nothing on your part that is reflected in what they say. They would say the same things about anyone, as long as they’re working to place blame or fault in anyone but themselves. Again, like I said, they’re probably really bored and also really miserable with their lives. I really think that people who are unhealthy act in such rude ways because they are “stuck” in their own heads. They are focused on their misery, and as such cannot escape their narrow mindset in order to 1) get a bigger picture and 2) step outside themselves to do a self evaluation. Hence, they look for fault in the world around them, where they have no right to look because we can each only be held accountable for our own shortcomings (and hence doing our best to overcome them, rather than blaming someone else for them). Remember, its a reflection on them and their immaturity, among other things… no way a reflection of you or your character.
As far as dealing with them, I find it best to breathe, relax, and just listen. Don’t fight back, just listen. Wait until they talk themselves dry. Honestly, if they have nobody to fight with, then the fights over, right? But if you are truly being wronged, then do the same—listen, but when they are finally done, explain calmly where you are coming from. Try your best not to point fingers and whatnot, even if they do that to you.
As far as co-workers, my answer is always: Get a better job. :-\ I know thats not likely possible though, so you could always confront them and point out how childish they are to worry about the shortcomings of others when they have so many themselves. I think that might put them in their place. And if after this they turn on you, you can simply say: I rest my case.
I’ve dealt with some REALLY messed up people and I ENTIRELY blame it on their horrible diet and, to a lesser degee, some poor family situations. But even those can be overcome when you’re in the right mindset and full of good foods. Unfortunately, they can’t be changed, so you just have to deal with it in a way that is far above how they are acting. Take yourself out of the situation in a way by looking at it from an impersonal point of view. Being objective is also a statement. You’re kind of saying: Hey, don’t be a crybaby, we can deal with this like intelligent adults and be FAIR rather than fighting and whining without getting anywhere.
I would hope that this would be humbling to them, but you never know.
Anyway, I digress.
Meditation has solved a lot of similar issues for me. I also find that immersing myself in positive thinking books helps. Thich Nhat Hanh has a number of good ones—Anger:Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, might be of some interest to you. Good luck!
Thich Nhat Hanh is the best!
Morning_theft—I have to admit, I’ve been the negative person at different times in my life. Since giving up that poisonous attitude, I try to do a few things to maintain my equilibrium: Raw Food (obviously), filling my space with beautiful positive music and other objects of beauty like fresh flowers (when I have the $) art, stones, candles, etc. My baby sis is going through a really rough time right now, so she’s often pretty negative. I tend to make jokes to change the tone of the conversation. I do let her vent, but not for too long.
Don’t worry about people gossiping about you. They’ll receive it back many times over. You’re probably great at your job, which makes them want to attack you. As for your mother-in-law, that’s tough. It puts your poor hubby in the middle. Keep loving her the best you can, and don’t let her bait you. Maybe limit your interaction, if you can. Prayer and/or meditation can make you feel untouchable.