No no not me. I can admit i did have organic red wine (sulfite free, vegan friendly) 3 weeks ago for this 2008. It is my cousin who has the alcoholism. Who lives 2 hours away. He just went thru an prestigious 8 week program and was drinking the whole time. didn’t get anywhere. along with heavy medication for his bipolar, and depression. He did get a job at sports authority starting today. but is still spiraling downward. and not kicking his alcohol problem.
My all my relatives. and let me emphasize all are beating themselves to the ground. They always call me for there ailments, but all I do is listen. Because I find people get all defensive when I do come back with info that could help them dramatically. So, i have been finding that just listening and making it clear that I will not intervene unless asked to. So, it was my aunt telling me about my cousin in an email over the weekend. and it always leads up to asking me after bringing it up 2-3 times. I found this to be true with family and friends and definitely co workers. I think its to see if I will intervene. So that dont have to “man up” or “woman up” for that matter and ask me.
OK – I’m going to say it – sounds as if you like to be the rescuer. I know that behavior comes from a kind heart, a loving soul and an honest and sincere desire to help the people that you care about. Unfortunately Worley, real help will only come to them when they are ready to receive it. It’s so hard to watch (I know). Perhaps your positive energies would be better directed to supporting the people who are living with your alcoholic cousin. Good luck. Peace, Karuna
Very well put. Beautifully said. Unfortunetly, the very people that he lives with him can not even take care of there own psychological issues. I beg my parents to take him in. So, that he is 10 minutes away from me and not 2 hours away. It is very devastating to watch the degeneration of your own generations. Especially the holidays coming up. Especially thanksgiving. all that food, lack of energy, desaturated personalities. Its sad to see the ailments my grandmother has at 72 is the same my mom had at 49, my aunt at 33 my 1 cousin at 22, this cousin at 19, my sister at 17, and my brother who is falling into the pattern at 12.
What do you mean by “what they are looking for”? Are you referring to the PSYCHOLOGY of ADDICTION? It is very easy to develop codependency if you are surrounded by addicts or an addict. The first thing you must do is set your own boundaries, figure out what is healthy for you and what you will allow yourself to be subjected to. The addictive personality is confusing and cunning. People take on another personality that comes from the addiction and not their authethic self. I know from experience. If you choose to remain in an addict’s life (addict referring to one under the influence of addiction) then something must be accepted: we can’t save them, only they can if they choose to do so. People addict to run, to numb. Addictions often stem from psychological factors, genetics, past trauma and abuse, etc. I think it’s wonderful you want to educate yourself. There are free support groups you may want to check out – if you haven’t tried Al-Anon, I highly suggest you do. Blessings to you and those around you!
In the meantime, a great read by James Frey called A Million Little Pieces. This was lasts years scandalous best seller. Apparently the guy went on Oprah and completely lied that this was based on his life when it was not. I still found it to be an excellent read, one that i could not put down. It is pure fiction, but certainly a window into the disease of alcoholism. Well-said karuna and Rawdance. In many treatment centers, Worley, the patients are free to leave anytime so this individual would have to be deeply committed. He’ll get there, but it seems like he’s not ready yet. Hopefully one day there will be someone or something more important to him than the bottle, but that’s not something anyone of us can speed along. I really wish you well. My cousin is going through the same. I’m far away, but being surrounded by co-dependents only deepens her addiction.
From my own experience, I would say that the best thing is to talk to people who have had the same problem and have found a solution. I cannot say what you or your cousin should do (I have never been in your situation), but people that I know who have overcome their problem with alcoholism have done so by connecting with other recovering alcoholics.
Hearing about this is so sad. I think I’m probably naturally a rescuer myself. I want to help everyone and get so hurt when they choose to destroy themselves. I’ve found that being involved in their lives still and setting an example of a healthy lifestyle is affective. They see your happiness and begin to want it. Avoid preaching at all costs. That pushes them away. They have to want it bad enough to reach for it. That usually only happens at rock bottom unfortunately.
Good luck worley, I hope things get better for your family
I was not really able to get over my alcohol addiction until being raw. Although it was not as out of control as your cousin’s might be. I believe there are true biological roots for me, as it tends to run in my family. I had to develop ways to cope without drinking and find ways to deal with my problems instead of drinking to escape them. For me I had to reduce the stress in my life which was leading me to drink. I also did some deep therapy with a really good therapist to help me face a lot of issues I had been struggling with. But until raw (and exercise) I was not completely free.
It sounds like the program was not working for him. It does not mean there is not a program out there that won’t work for him though. Bless you for caring.
So many aspects one can approach a dis-ease from… Alcoholism is a huge topic for sure…
I will just interject one aspect that I didn’t see mentioned yet. David Wolfe has mentioned in his books that addictions to alcohol, coffee, and drugs are symptoms of being too acidic. Those substances contain alkaloids, which stimulate the “high” feeling of alkalinity, but are actually making your body more acidic. Never ending cycle if you look at it physiologically.
It’s obviously a domino effect because why is one chasing the “high” of being so alkaline in the first place? But it’s something to look at. I can relate to the comments about not really getting addictions under control until going raw. Perhaps being more alkaline is one way to explain that.
Much love to you and your cousin!
Well, since I’m in the middle of doing research for a presentation on comparative diets among the great apes, I’m going to contribute this article, which claims that human alcoholism (or rather, taste for alcohol) may be a sort
of over-evolution of whatever causes us to prefer the taste of ripe fruit to underripe fruit, since our preferring the former would have led to our ingesting more essential nutrients, which may have contributed to our overall fitness—our ability to mate and leave viable progeny behind.
If you have access to JSTOR, you may find this article amusing:
My dad was a drunk, until the Doctor told him he would be die with in a short time if he didn’t stop. So he finally did. It didn’t take almost killing me when I was a baby, or the end of my parents marriage, or many other problems that drunks have. No he had to make the choice and the only thing that brought him out of it was death.By the way he is now 97 a very high meat eater and the only veggies he eats is potatoes and very little fruit. soooooo
Hello! I want to commend you for wanting to help your cousin! You are asking a pretty loaded question when you ask, “what are they looking for!” Speaking as a former alcoholic, and obviously I can only speak for myself, I think what I was looking for was purpose, But along with that I was trying to “run away” from something…myself! Mostly because I did not like who I was and I was always able to find validation for that dislike in my failure of alcoholism, while it temporarily numbed my feelings it confirmed to me what I already perceived myself to be, “a LOSER”. I spent many a night drunk, crying myself to sleep, asking for help in the dark. And God heard me. I do not know your cousins situation. But I would say that the best thing any of us can do for a person that is struggling with any addiction, is to sincerely and consistently PRAY for them. Secondly, given the opportunity, show them unconditional love. That sounds “Pollyanic” to some I suppose, but truly there is nothing that can save a soul from despair quicker than the realization that they are intrinsically valuable and have purpose in the world. I don’t mean you should “enable” that person, but show them love and if you can point them to the only source of true power to deliver them form addiction, their “Creator”. Unfortunately, most alcoholics are on a collision course with self destruction, and won’t listen to reason. they may however listen to the Spirit, which has a thousand ways to reach a soul that we know NOTHING of! SO Pray my friend pray…
Check out www.addictionrecoveryguide.org. This site has some excellent information about holistic therapies to treat alcoholism and addiction.
Also, Joan Mathews Larson, PhD wrote a book called “Seven Weeks to Sobriety”. It is about using amino acid therapy to treat alcoholism/addiction/depression/bi-polar disorder. Very interesting stuff.